A few nights ago I had a nightmare. Its details still make me afraid and sad. A dragon (nerdy, I know) destroyed my town and ate many people that I loved. I and my remaining friends and family left our homes to run from the dragon, but it chased us. I eventually broke from the group to save them, the dragon only wanted me. I ran, I fought, I hide; but every time I tried to defeat this dragon I failed and the dragon killed another person I loved. The dragon finally promised to stop killing if I allowed the dragon to eat me. I interpreted this as the failure that I have been feeling driving the people in my life away. I have been working on a thesis, but because my first advisor stole my original thesis and because the department will not provide support (academically or emotionally), I only see and feel failure in my future.
Writing had been an outlet for me, but I stopped. A yawning pit of despair echoed "why even try?" With a stunt writing plan, I can slowly step back from the edge. For the next three weeks I will write and post my notes here and on my blog.
Week one: I will focus on the past and what I have been
Week two: I will focus on what I want to be and how I want my future to unfold
Week three: I will write how I have become better and what I will continue to do
- Removal: The negative thoughts: no despair, no tears, no self-pity, no fear
- Consequences: Exercise, anytime a negative thought settles on my mind I will push endorphins through my veins
- Places: I will be social, I will blog, I will put myself in better social circles
- People: I will check my school email, and talk to my committee again (after I have ousted the useless one)
- Research: I will expand my knowledge (learning provides confidence and comfort)
- Data: I will maintain food and exercise diary
- Change: I will not sweat the small things or the over-powering things
- Practice: I will write down my dreams (as scary as they are)
- Practice: I will write from a prompt/ literary research
- Practice: I will think on all of the above while I exercise.